Anger Management for Toddlers
Whether it’s the specific task of teaching them to stop hitting, or the overall goal of developing EQ, it all boils down to the simple messages we send everyday and how consistent we are in our responses. Kids this young learn through habit and imitation.
What to do during a tantrum:
- Don’t hit, bite, or yell in return (even if it’s to “teach him how it feels like”), or he’ll think that behavior’s okay.
- Stay calm and keep your voice firm. Since he’s upset and isn’t actually listening to you at this point, you shouldn’t lecture or talk or explain why what he’s doing is wrong. Keep it short: say “No hitting” or “No biting”.
- If that doesn’t work, get up and walk away. Tantrums are no fun if there’s no audience.
- He’s agitated and doesn’t know how to calm himself down. Bring him to a quiet corner, or at least remove him from whatever has upset him in the first place (e.g., the DVD player he’s halfway through breaking). Yelling will only upset him further (remember how your reaction to being shouted at is to shout even louder) so keep your voice low and calm.
- Give him the words for what he feels. “Zach is tired.” or “Zach is mad.” (Tip: Barney videos are pretty good at teaching EQ, like identifying feelings and considering how other people feel.)
- Give him another option. Right now all he knows is what he wants and how he didn’t get it — lead him to another activity.
How to head off a tantrum:
Toddlers tend to scream, hit and bite when they’re cranky, overwhelmed, or overstimulated. Here are some signs that you need to calm him down fast:
- He’s rubbing his eyes or ears. Could be that he’s sleepy, or has a headache. Go to a quieter place.
- He’s jumping faster from one activity to another, or asks for something that he rejects as soon as he gives it. He’s overwhelmed already, so much so that he can’t even identify what’s bothering him. Cut down the number of choices and lead him to something he can focus on.
- He doesn’t want to be touched or cuddled. Something tells him he needs “quiet time” or “space” but doesn’t know how to ask for it. Lead him to a quiet corner and hand a bottle of milk or comfort toy.
- Know your child’s temperament. Toddlers who repeatedly hit, bite or scream may have a low sensory threshold (they’re easily upset by loud noises, overwhelmed by large crowds, or startle or wake up when there are bright lights or sudden movement) or tend to high strung (their mood swings shift rapidly,, and are very intense and emotional). In this case, don’t ask for trouble by bringing them into situations that are just begging for a meltdown, like very play groups or crowded malls, at least not for long lengths of time.
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