Parenting Advices

No matter the provocation, some things to do if you don’t want to break out in case of sibling rivalries:

• Never compare one over the other. (As in “Why can’t you be more studious like your brother / sister?”) This will only cause resentments and fights.
• Accentuate the positive. Praise the effort of your child, instead of the result (if the results doesn’t match your or child’s expectation).
• Don’t ever say — even teasingly — that you love one more than the other.
• If you have to play referee, try not to pick sides. Instead, let cooler heads prevail and try to work things out by talking.
• Schedule a day for each child and teach them to respect the schedule.
• Keep your cool. There may be some things you might blurt out in the heat of anger, that you’ll regret afterward. Your child, on the other hand, may never forget what you said.

Sibling rivalry has been around since Biblical times. Check out Genesis. Cain hated his brother so much he murdered him (an extreme case of sibling rivalry!); and Esau, though a physical and athletic guy with his own special set of abilities, envied his more introspective twin, Jacob, who couldn’t hurt a deer to save himself.

We know where Jacob and Esau’s friction started: Their parents played favorites. Sounds familiar? Favoritism is one of the reasons why we begin to resent our sisters or brothers hence the rise of sibling rivalry. Sometimes, the favoritism is so apparent, it can drive us nuts.

Here are some tips for children who feels their brother or sister is favored more by their parents:

• Respect your mom or dad’s time alone with your brother or sister. They aren’t spending time malling or camping because they want to leave you out. Maybe your mom figures your sister will enjoy the new dress shop more because you’re more inclined to books; maybe your dad believes that he and your brother need more time for “male bonding.” Maybe it’s because they’ve already taken you out somewhere special. Try to see the balance your folks are trying to reach with each and every one of you. If you feel you could enjoy that trip to the new boutique, though, speak up and ask if you can go with them next time (you can even ask for makeover advice!). Surely they’ll be more than happy to have you with them.

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