Jealous Li’l Guy
If your toddler suddenly becomes clingy and demands your attention all the time, you may not have to look far from the cause. It’s his new sibling peacefully sleeping in his crib.The first thing you need to know about jealousy in toddlers is this, at this age, there is no such thing as jealousy as adults know it. By the time your first baby becomes a toddler, he becomes the most important and powerful member in the family. When the second baby finally arrives, here begins a bit of a problem. As a mother, you will have your hands full with the newborn who needs a good amount of attention. Not to mention the firstborn who hasn’t had any experience sharing his parents’ attention.
In this kind of situation, the toddler who has never really learned to be considerate or reasonable, is suddenly expected to be so. He will be made to accept this fact, change his behavior and may become unhappy about the whole situation.
Depending on his age, it’s unlikely that your toddler has really understood what a new baby will mean, in terms of your time and affection. Toddlers may worry about giving their toys to the new baby or having to go stay with a relative for a while. This only goes to show that your toddler is developing a sense of himself and his needs.
Defusing Jealousy
The bad news is that toddlers can’t grasp the concept of sharing or being delicate with babies. There are times that the eldest brother would grab his toys from his younger brother but he wouldn’t really mean doing so. It’s just his rough ways that he really doesn’t understand an infant should be treated with extra care and gentleness.
A typical two-year old has few inhibitions about trying to get what he wants — and little tolerance for anything or anyone that may be standing in her way. When a child acts jealous, the message really is, “I want you to be mine and only mine,” and this is actually a compelling and powerful way of expressing love!
The most important thing is to listen to your toddler. If they are very young, they’ll have trouble talking about their worries. Don’t ask, “Why don’t you want a new baby?” — your child won’t have an answer. The best solution should start even before you give birth to prepare him for the arrival of his new brother or sister. If you know a family that has a baby, take your toddler to visit them. Afterwards, talk about the baby. Your toddler’s questions may reveal their worries. “Where does he sleep?” may mean he’s not ready to give up his bedroom.
Buy a book about having a baby brother or sister that you can read together. Deal with any questions, stressing how much things will stay the same after the baby’s birth. Don’t put ideas into your toddler’s head, that may not even have been there before, like “Mommy and Daddy will still love you when the new baby is born.”
Let them feel the baby moving, help you prepare a room and buy small things for the new baby. As you do these things, tell your toddler about all the things you did for their birth and about how you felt. Be sure to explain about why you’re going to the hospital and be very clear about who will be taking care of them.
If you show him that the newborn baby has to be treated gently, quietly and lovingly when awake, the toddler is more likely to imitate you and do the same. But do not rely on him totally. He needs time to learn. Divert his attention by asking him to do some helpful task.
Verbal skills vary widely at this age so it’s best to look for ways to redirect negative energy. Urge a jealous toddler to see how quickly he can make the baby laugh or ask him to show you how well he can stack diapers in the nursery. Activities like this help a child feel both indispensable and capable.
Make time for him
No matter what the situation is, always try to make your toddler feel included. Spend quality time alone with him everyday, without any of the usual distractions (such as reading the papers, checking e-mail, etc.) Simply give your toddler extra love and reassurance. The child’s attachment to his new baby brother or sister will grow naturally and slowly over time.
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